The weight of alone

The thoughts that sting,
are raw marks on her mind
the whipping reminders that she is 
/never/
good enough
burned into loathing retinas
the horrid reflection she faces,
and shatters
silver shavings surround her as if to say
"you can not escape yourself"
settling into her curls,
the hatred sparkles in the morning light,
        it was only one of those times,
where the silence became laden 
and alone dropped like cinder blocks from the sky
undoubtedly crushing her every dream,
Had I not left her,
            had what was said not been said,
then she would be here, 
        not a bloody mess,
and the silver shavings would reflect us both 
                                 and the beauty would illuminate  

Once I was to blame

You have reclused,
      slowly closed for years,
retreated into your own chimeric world,
                      You've blocked out
all the love you felt
  abandoned everyone who cared-
(or so they said)
you cut your strings,
and became your own puppet master,
    Then silently, you began
 to take revenge, worked to mold me
        into your own little marionette,
the greed tainting your tongue as you became the
 controller,
         tugging and pulling,
shaping me into what you wanted to see,
you bolted shut the mouth that once
      uttered in syllabals defiant
of all control,
          used your malicious hands
to rip apart my walls
placed sweet smiles on your lips,
         spit venom in pretty little packages
wrapping around every thought subduing
                     me into acceptance
and once I gave in, all the beauty gave way
      every blemish you found, you cut out
contorting me to cover the holes,
     The venom began to seep through the paper,
acid burning
            the harsh truth into every pore
by then it was to late,
      who I once was, lost,
buried under
the layers of lies you placed upon me,
yet, I never blamed you
never hated who I became,
      It was not until I was abandoned,
left cut-loose and limp,
       a puppet pile in the ruins of your love
               did I begin to see,
that it was me who was not enough.

The mind reflects extrinsic features.

Foregin is the pink tinted tissue reflected,
strange the hair draping in front of
lost eyes wandering over each explicitly horrendous detail
Cautious as her hands reach up to touch
Gliding them over each obsucrity
clutching at the edges she prys,
but can not will her fingers to grasp
hard enough, claw deep enough
The eyes become incredulous
connecting the blame to each imperfection,
each pour thats not perfect is the reason why she
is forgotten, lost to everyone but herself
each barren abandonment
the hours of tears dripping over fallicious cheeks
running over lips twisted in disgust,
even the tears taste acidic,
burning each taste bud as a reminder
that each horror you beheld, belongs to you
and every inch you despise will never leave you.

And this is all we are.

.......I have this,

awful aching sensation in my chest,

         as your words wrap around my heart

ceasing the beating

    and the restless thoughts that pour in

how can I love you this much,

        when I am disposable?

As I cling to every word you speak,

after you lose mine in the wind,

every question I ask,

answered but not discussed,

the worst phantom seeps in, 

our love is transient to you,

fading in, pouring out 

wind ruffling our willow leaves

Illusions painted by number in your head

        and I’ve never been one for depth-less lies, 

you are not a thought easily shaken 

and you are not a habit I intend on breaking,

because the pain all seems worth it when we
 have those fleeting moments

brief flickers of light in the darkness,

that reignite the truth behind your eyes.

Goodbye Panic

I am worn,
     weary of the thoughts,
the pounding heart,
the irrational sensation that no matter
how  good I am, I am not worth enough
until I become laden with the fear
of abandonment
silently picking myself to shreds
but then I stop,
Why doubt my abilities
what have I done, to make me less than you?
so I forget and leave my
fears buried in the past,
and say goodbye at last.