she crawls on glass ceilings

She crawls on glass ceilings,
balances on paper ropes,
and allows the barbed wire to gauge her throat
her voice is lost in the dripping carmine
poetry brimming on cracked lips
can't be heard over blood-red creaks
like hollowed stairways at three a.m.
as youthful souls tiptoe over burning coals
to not wake the sleeping souls of
their silent opressers

It is always a foggy night in sleep,

             Laden with the stillness

The blurred surroundings

There is comfort in distortion 

Everything blanketed and comfortably dulled

eh

 I have tied strings around my wrists
and painted my cheeks rosy
Allowed every stroke to be a punctuation, every movement jerking,
 fluidity lost to those who control me
I wait perfectly poised, demure and vulnerable
More puppet than girl
Waiting for the next person to take control,
Tugging at my ropes before braiding them around my neck

I am chaos and enigma
I am bones and flesh
Puppet and girl
But more a marionette,
A silly dancing doll is all
I've tied strings around my wrists,
Let you tie them around my throat
maybe I did that too,
Guided you to my neck like a light house waiting for a ship to kiss the ledge
 let your hand crash into it until I
couldn't speak

The day of my mothers funeral

The summer gives me too much time to think
Not enough tasks to keep restless hands busy
Or keep the cluttered mind quiet
There will always be meloncholy as the snow vanishes and gives way to renewed life
How dare the earth turn more when you are not able to be lifted
And while
The ground does not cave way as I step closer to you, does not swallow my feet
I am consumed by the weight of so many gifts not given, so much time lost in an early death
So many whys and not enough answers
I swear
If ever there was a way to hear you again I would be first in line
With as many Lilacs and Lilies as I could hold

2011, why?

They float
      just out of reach
from where I sit in the old pine tree
 the shards of my sanity taunt me
pin pricks of carmine blossoming
from my palms
as I am consumed by
             inability

Restricted

I leave it mute
pleading with my eyes for you to hear the silent
I love you's.
and the words my broken articulation
can't choke out,
I sit in silence
thinking everything I could say
but afraid
the shaking hands too hard to place
I clasp yours uncertain, if I should
believe
that in which I, before, so strongly opposed
listening to your words
feeling the meaning through pronounced syllables
restricted to return the adoration.

I guess I'll never know 2011

I guess I'll never know
if those- sneak peaks,
    silly faces
exaggerated "hellos"
           are just rountine lies....
or if by some miracle,
      they tell me the truth.

Glass Ceilings 2012

She crawls on glass ceilings,
balances on paper ropes,
translucent skin blanketing corroded bones
she is lost inside paper bags
Stuffed in crevices no one can see
until he comes along
peeling her from the glass
catching her as the rope
breaks picking her out of crevices
making her skin opaque he rips apart her bag cocoon
and carries her away
and then drops her in volcanoes because
to him, it was only a game

abandonment 2011

Abandonment is a dancing drop
spinning jumps, over hurtled rocks
communication lingers weaved through fingers
lace veils in black drops grabbing them with
every last ounce of strength you have
because once someone is gone
it does not matter if they are dead
pain in a bombshell
explodes upon the pang
you get with the realization
to them, your voice is lost.

6am

6am calls me from my sleep,
I imagine it a reminder that the world is awake before I, rustled with the waking of early jobs, and pending sunrise
 and while I am somewhere between consciousness and dreaming, I have nowhere to be soon,
The is a stillness in the solitude of an early morning
 I let myself be transfixed in that moment,
 I  listen to my breathing
 and let its rythmic chant tell me
You are here
You are here
You are here

Still waters

The world is romantic,
With its fresh snow, the ice that brings two bodies colliding,
 the spring with its rain,  as a girl stares out her window and imagines being embraced drenched, stuck with petals from the trees, and the other laughs, and pulls one from her hair,
It gives way to summer, the world is ignited, overflowed in warmth, so many possibilites in the sunshine
and I watch from a bench of my own
Write empty letters to the landscape of your skin, it is easy
When the world is emitting fervor,
to fool myself.
how easy it is, to make yourself fall for the transitions of seasons,
To ignore what you really covet
In my head I imagine my love is a well
And it is dry, when I am honest,
But I can fill it with emptiness, make believe that love is steady and not rivers that roll and build into an ever turbulent ocean
I walk to my well, stare into the absence of ripples, and toss in a coin as if to say I wish.

Inviolable

Hold on, she yells as she bounds against a drenched midnight sky.
You are too risky, with your stumbling tread
Heart feeble
Meek, mild,
destined for some make shift heaven
A small town busy with stagnation
Do you hear it yet,
The call to the water? Leave it,
 Only the unknown depth waits below the surface.
Clutch to your familiar.
You are happy here
This place is amazing,
This boy is amazing,
He is hard working
Only home body, your home body
Hold you down, do not run to far
Little girl, you are only as valiant
As the handcuffs you are bound in
Secure yourself in your life vest apartment in your inflatable raft town, you are drowning in the ocean of yearning you made.
Be thankful, those who follow the call always return home, I am saving you the woe of finding something you cannot quite grasp.
Drain your sea, stop pining, it is not for you
This void is your home
Remember
you wanted this.

Puppet darling

Will you kiss me

As you move in closer,

                Will you reach out to grasp me

With no intention to pull me in?

It is not kind, this type of solitude

     It manifests itself, a stone man 

Rough and jagged hands 

This love is not gentle with its restrictions

It is not romantic 

The way it wraps around my neck and tells me I am worthless 

There is a love note: 

You will never let go, girl. Girl, of choking words and forgetful smiles. You are far too gullible and idle. You led me here through the doors that you leave open, careless girl. 

It writes to me, amorous notes like these 

 I leave piled in the corners, 

 A caution to stay,

He leaves another love note:

You just don't get it sweetheart, you're all loose lies and tree trunk limbs. Nothing of beauty in that. There is only worth in those who choose to go, not those cemented in place. And you, artless darling, there is no poise in your exit, so why venture?

I listen, with each tripping  step I move slower, if I make no progress what is the point in struggle,

I remain a puppet in fog, always controlled, always stumbling.
A final note:
So silly it is, to let your eyes have so many stars. Dull them in reality, dear, and I will hold you. 

I lay in my bed as if to say

There is too much gravity if I stand 

There is a reflection next to me and

And there is nothing 

No recognition of the blank expression 

No attachment to the shapes of a countenance muted,

In the times when you realize

You are not healthy 

Coping mechanism is not healing 

Guilt for exsisting is not an excuse 

to shut up

Feel the claws of meaning ripping up your 

Stubborn mind 

Try to find peace in dissociation 

There are no vacancies here
   Each room is filled with apparitions of
old friends
They hum things to remind you that
Your mind is a motel, and even the new visitors are in for the short stay
Transient like those before.
It is your fault, anyway.
Who wants to stay in a place that needs updating
is too muffled and muted
too much silence and not enough music
even your sheets worn threadbare, your curtains full of holes,
they welcome those who choose to come
and let them slam the door
when they leave.